Jonna Marie

I recently realized that I have never really updated my blog to reflect our answer to prayer.  All of my previous posts tell of our struggles with fertility, starting the adoption process, & the ups & downs of a particular adoption opportunity.  I will have to write a separate post detailing what all went on during those 9 weeks leading up to Jonna’s birth.  But today, as I reminisce about the valley we were walking through just 2 years ago, I want to simply share my joy in how God worked out our situation for good.

 

No doubt many of you already know how things worked out for us.  I certainly share plenty of pictures of my girls on Instagram & Facebook!  That little unborn blessing that we held in our hearts & prayers until her birth is now a fixture in the McMurray & Spruill families.  Jonna adds excitement to our home EVERY SINGLE DAY!  And like most parents of toddlers, I love my interaction time with her but live for 8 PM (aka bedtime).  Most parents find themselves dreaming of what their child will look & act like: Will she have my brown eyes or her daddy’s green eyes?  Will she inherit a competitive nature from both her mommy & her daddy making her a force to be reckoned with?  Will she be quiet & shy like her daddy or loud & outgoing like me?  But when you’re adopting a child that has NONE of you or your husband’s DNA, you find yourself asking different questions: Is a child more a product of nurture (upbringing) or nature (genetics)?  When our child reaches that age when she thinks her parents are stupid & hates everything we do/say, will she say she’s not our real daughter?  Willl she be anything like us at all?

 

I can now answer a few of those questions from 2 years ago ---

Jonna has strawberry-blonde hair & blue eyes, she acts so much like me it’s truly scary (ha ha!), & nurture (upbringing) trumps nature (genetics) almost every time.  She’s one of the luckiest little girls I know for lots of reasons, but the following are just a few: she is dearly loved & cared for by a mommy & daddy & their families, she has been able to maintain contact & build relationships with a few of her biological family members, she has a wonderful church family that loves & supports her & her family, & against a rough start in utero she is a picture of good health.

 

Our cup overflows…….

God Answers Prayer

So for those who read my post from yesterday, you will know that these past few days have been a heavier load that I was prepared to bear on my own.  But, as He always does, Jesus pulled thru, & I'm thankful to say that He answered quickly.  So many times we are asked to wait for the right timing, but this time He chose to not make us wait.  So thankful for all the many prayers that were sent up on our/my behalf these past 24 hours especially.  Even though you didn't know the details, it didn't matter.  You just went right ahead & sent those prayers up anyway.  And He answered all of our prayers in a BIG way!  Because of this answer to prayer, I will sleep MUCH, MUCH more peacefully tonight.  My stomach & headache issues have already dramatically subsided, & I already feel tired (which is good, because I haven't been able to reach a point where I could actually shut my brain off enough to have a good sleep).  Nothing else to report right now.  Just wanted to say thank you to all of our prayer warriors.  THANK YOU!!!!!

Lord, I Could Sure Use a Day of Rest

That's right, folks.  I'm tired, I'm sick because I'm tired, my muscles ache, I have constant headaches.  Fellow adoptive parents...is this normal?  Or is it just because our adoption situation is 110% challenging?  I wish I could think of a better word to use other than "challenging".  I feel like the word "challenge" implies that I'm ready to conquer.  Well, I'm not.  I've had just about enough of all the so-called "challenges" of adoption.  In the 6 weeks that we've been involved in this situation, I think I've had 1-2 nights of 5+ hrs of sleep, 5 or less days that I wasn't needed by a person in our adoption team to help solve a problem, 0 days of somebody on our team helping meet one of my needs (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...the whole package), etc.  Our situation is fraught with drama from one day to the next.  All the while, I'm the one everybody is counting on to fix the problem, meeting the need, reassure the next person that everything is being done correctly, etc.  I'm happy to do all of that --- I mean, what better personality to manage those kinds of things than a controlling, momma-bear, get-r-done, OCD kinda gal?  Although the rest of our adoption teammates may not see it, I'm worn out, vulnerable, & downright done with all of this.  I just want ONE part of this process to go smoothly.  ONE!  I keep trying to tell myself that it's all going to be worth it once we hold our baby in our arms, & I know it will be.  But in the 3 weeks until that happens, how am I supposed to keep holding myself together when nobody else on the team seems to understand the importance of dotting the "i"s & crossing the "t"s?!

You know the thing that I need most right now?  Yes, prayer.  That's a given.  Believe me --- my life is just one, big walking conversation with God --- more now than it's ever been before.  That has really been great.  However, I'm in desperate need of a walking, talking, physical reflection of God on earth to hold me & tell me that they understand that things are rough, & that sucks.  I have lots of people that would do that for me if I'd just allow myself to throw away my "I'm ok" smile & let people know how I'm really feeling.  I guess it's just that "fighter" personality that just won't let me show my weakness to those around me.  If there's one person that can always see right thru my mask, it's my mom.  She's the one person that I REALLY need right now, & I can't have her.  She's 1,300+ miles away in Arizona.  Yeah, yeah.  I know she & dad are right where they are supposed to be, but that doesn't keep me from being mad that God took her away from me right at the tail-end of our journey of infertility treatments, & now she's not here during one of my darkest, most terrible times of my life!  Don't get me wrong; Jonathan is GREAT!  He's a silent, steady rock for our entire family.  But if you know him well, you'll know that he's not much for words of comfort or anything emotional for that matter.  He's DEFINITELY a valuable teammate, but sometimes a girl just really needs her mom.  I have a few other "moms" that have really been great!  Thank you for including me in your lives.  Why doesn't everybody have 5 women to call their mom!?!  Mom, Tonya, Nancy, Bobbi, Gwen.

Well, everybody wants a view into the raw heart of the adoption process.  Well, here you go.  You got one today.  No cute little pick-me-up or positive outlook lines.  Just anger, frustration, & throwing my hands up in the air.  Yeah, adoption has "these" kinds of days too.....lots of them.

Nesting

Is it possible, do you think, for an adoptive mother to experience "nesting"?  I'm going to guess that it's possible because I'm pretty sure that's what I'm doing right now.  I work all day, then come home, do my normal housekeeping routine, then begin tackling some random project that I feel NEEDS to be done right now.  Thankfully, most of my urges have been to do projects that have to do with the baby's room.  We're at 33 weeks today, so it's probably time to start preparing for the idea that baby could be coming close to any time now.  Haven't even started thinking about packing my hospital bag, but maybe that will be one of my crazy nesting urges on another day!

Things continue to progress nicely for our baby girl.  Birth mother says she continues to make her presence known by moving & kicking just as much as possible.  We can't wait to have her moving & kicking in our arms.  I've never been so ready to lose sleep from a baby being up all night.  I'd rather be tired because a baby needs me than because a process needs me.  There are just so many tasks to check off that it doesn't seem like any one human can really conquer the entire list before time is up.  There are so many needs that other people need to have met, many of which tend to fall under my realm of responsibility.  I am ready to make that transition from my current "job" of making the adoption process move forward to taking on the job of simply being "mother of 2 girls".  Lord, help me enjoy these days leading up to this exciting day that we are SOOO looking forward to.  Help us not to overlook the lessons You would have us learn & experience along the way - enjoy the part of the journey we are on.

Making Progress

Today was a good day.  Truth be told, I started off the day very somber, burdened by the weight of the previous night's stresses.  However, a few stresses were able to be released as some issues were resolved.....for today at least.  Birth mother & I made a quick trip to her DR's office to check something off of her "to do" list, & it turned out to be a much more productive trip than either of us had expected!  We were able to check off "task #1", the reason we stopped by in the first place.  However, on our way out, I suggested that we stop by the hospital pharmacy to pick up her prescription that we both had forgotten to pick up the day before when we were there for her DR visit.  From that stop at the pharmacy, we were able to find out that the insurance issue she's been battling had finally been resolved!  Huge answer to prayer!  Those few little words from the pharmacist instantly changed both of our demeanor.  A HUGE burden had been lifted from us both!  Praise the Lord!

Moving backward a day, let me tell you about birth mother's & my sonogram visit.  Let me tell you - I have never seen such a detailed sonogram before in my life!  Because she's as far along as she is, the baby has developed to a point that allowed us to see various organs & baby movements that most parents don't get to observe due to their sonogram being closer to the 1/2 way mark in the pregnancy.  We learned all kinds of things about our baby!: that they have a full head of hair (long enough that it was waving in the amniotic fluid), all the organs are working properly & growing at the rate they are supposed to, the length of their legs, arms, hands, feet, etc, & so much more!  It was a beautiful time as a mother to witness God's creation as it was in progress.  Now, let me announce to the world what everybody's been dying to find out...the gender.  As of early to mid June, the McMurray family will be adding a new baby..............

                                                                      GIRL !!!

ADOPTION JOURNEY!!!

I wanted to start this entry with the above picture so that you will know the undertone from which I will be writing today.  If you aren’t aware of the journey we are currently on, let me fill you in.

About 3 weeks ago, Jonathan & I were chosen by a birth father & birth mother to adopt their unborn child (we don’t know gender yet), due June 16!  We were elated!  After almost 2 years of following leads, praying for God’s direction, & simply waiting on God’s timing, we finally were seeing His plan at work!  After a few conversations with the 2 ladies that helped put the birth family & us (adoptive family) together, we planned a dinner meeting on Easter Sunday evening.  We met the birth parents along with the 2 ladies for dinner at a small, local restaurant.  Things went really well, & Jonathan & I walked away knowing this was the child we were meant to bring into our family.  What a good feeling, but not without a simultaneous feeling of being overwhelmed by all the things that would need to be done in such a short time.  Oh yeah…remember her due date was June 16, so we had roughly 8 weeks to get all of our ducks in a row.  Recently, it was determined that her updated due date is June 1, so we lost over 2 weeks of time to get things done…..yeah…….

It’s only been a little over 2 weeks, but we have already secured an attorney that we really love & have already started the legal process of making this baby a McMurray.  The birth mother wanted to deliver somewhere other than her current community with her current doctor, so I’ve found a DR that will take a 33 week pregnant woman that meets her needs.  There are still MANY things that have yet to be done, but not all of them are 100% within my control.  It definitely takes a team effort to knock out each task, but sometime life forces one or more of the team members to deal with other things before participating in the details of the adoption process.  What does this mean for this adoptive mommy?  It means I have NO CHOICE but to look to Jesus for peace.  Once again, Jesus is allowing yet another difficult life experience to be used to teach me to live in a whole new level of trust & peace in Him.  When I don’t have any control over the next step in the process, Jesus reminds me that He’s walking (or sometimes sitting) thru this journey with me.  All He asks of me is to play my part, always be prepared, & wait patiently for Him open the next door.  

Please don’t ask me to share intimate details about the process at this point.  For anybody that knows me well, you’ll know that my personality is such that I enjoy sharing with others about what’s going on in my life from a very HONEST perspective, happy or sad.  This being the case, you may sometimes wonder whether my posts are TRUE reflections of how I’m feeling.  Truth – the adoption process is NOT always “sunshine & rainbows”.  Sometimes it feels as though you are in the middle of a hurricane.  I will do my best to reflect things as they really are without compromising my commitment to our birth family (see picture above).

Hopefully more awesome updates to come SOON!

Borrowing Other Children

We just received a high school graduation announcement in the mail today from a kid that we were close to when he was just a little elementary student.  It was just the encouragement I needed today.  "How is that supposed to be an encouragement" you may ask?

We continue to search for the new future addition(s) to our family.  There are days when I feel like I have all of this "extra" love to give to that new son/daughter that is just being wasted in the time that goes by without that new child being added to our family.  But then when I am reminded that the child doesn't have to be an official member of our family for us to show love to them, I gain a renewed perspective on what I should be doing with this extra capacity to love children/teens.  This is what the graduation announcement reminded me of.  This particular kid, along with his older & younger sister, were like our "borrowed children" in the years before Talen came along.  I had them in swimming lessons at Prairie Life Center as well as their mom as a fellow co-worker at said fitness center.  For some reason, our families were naturally drawn to each other.  (It helped that these 3 kids were so well raised & SOOO easy to be around & have fun with!)  Anyway, not only did I see them a few days a week at the health club, their parents even entrusted them to be with Jonathan & I for various days, & sometimes even overnights!  These 3 kids were so special to us that we had them do a handprint collage on our basement walls as a way to commemorate their special place in our hearts & lives.  Well we've long since moved out of that home & the handprints are long gone.  But the fact that we were able to love on these kids as special "honorary" members of our family remains.

In the days ahead when we will still be looking for & waiting for that special child(ren) that will become our "official" family members, our "extra" love doesn't have to go to waste.  We are not called to hold all that love inside.  We've been commissioned to give that love to everyone, everywhere.  That includes the teens that we work with at our church...the friends our of little 5 year old daughter...the kids of my co-workers...   Our family extends far beyond the bounds of a traditional family.  Sometimes I just need a reminder that our family can have as many kids as we want it to...traditional or borrowed.  For now, we'll love on our 1 traditional child, as well as be on the lookout for kids that may need a 'lil ol' family to "borrow" them from time to time. :)