Where Are We at Now?

I've been asked quite a bit here lately where we're at in the whole adoption process.  I had the opportunity to catch up with a good friend of mine lately that used to attend our church.  She asked how things were going, & I proceeded to tell her that there isn't much to update her on at the moment.  After saying that, I figured I should go ahead & make a post that tells everybody just that so that nobody is left wondering.

The last situation that we've had come to us were the 2 kids from Arizona that ended up going to another family.  Since that time, we haven't had any other leads.  The nice thing about this is that it's given Jonathan & I some time to really slow things down, take our time with getting the home study & financial aid paperwork done, enjoy our time with Talen as an only child, & talk with the Lord about what all He has in store for our family.  I've seen God really working in my heart in these times of waiting.  Like I've said in so many of my post before, there's something to be learned from EVERYTHING, including pain, an unclear future, & constant waiting.

Kansas Family Adopts 6 Children Affected by Drug Abuse

Inspiring story that informs the public of the need for adoptive families for children affected by drug abuse.

To view video interview, Click Here.

Riding the Coaster Back Down...Again

Remember I told you how thankful I was just to be on the upside of the roller coaster yesterday?  I'm struggling to remember how good that felt now.

One day we were back on the list, the next, we're off again.  Nobody could know this bit of information unless they had been talking with the attorney or case worker that are working on this case.  I got a return phone call from the attorney as well as the case worker assigned to these 2 kids.  Come to find out, the birth mother had another child before these 2 children we were hoping to get.  A family in California had adopted that child some time ago.  Now that these children are open for adoption, the state contacted this family first in hopes that they would agree to adopt these 2 kids & keep the 3 siblings together.  The family agreed to adopt these 2 kids & have begun proceedings to do so.  Therefore, we're completely out of the picture now.  Happy for that family, discouraged for my family.

Although an opportunity for a child is always exciting because it's proof that your story is getting out there, it doesn't change or protect you from Newton's Law of Gravity: everything that goes up must come down.  On days like this, I wish I could be sheltered from all the 'not gonna work out' opportunities until the 'this is the one' opportunity comes along.  And the selfish question I find myself asking God on days like this is "Why should any good, 2 parent, Christian family have to sit by, bide their time, & HOPE their day will come?  I ask the question, but I also already know the answer.  As my dad quoted to me TOO OFTEN throughout my childhood & teen years..."LIFE'S NOT FAIR".  Life is not fair.  There's a true statement if I've every heard one.  Just because I know the answer doesn't mean I understand it on any given day.  So on days when I have a hard day believing that I'm gonna be o.k., I fall back on my good ol' coping mechanism - telling myself & the world "everything's gonna be ok".

I'll be honest.  I believe everything IS in God's hands, & it WILL all be o.k.  However, some days I just am all out of bubbly sunshine & perky energy.  I'm tired of putting on my happy face, saying the pretty things to encourage myself & others, looking at the brights spots, & just plain making myself skip past the mad, grieving, sulking stage.  I think I'm depriving myself of this natural stage that happens, & I'm just gonna be mad for a few minutes.  So here's to giving myself the next 15 minutes to just cry, be mad, & ask God "why?".

Roller Coaster

I have SOOO many WONDERFUL friends.  I know this because I have so many people asking me what's going on in our adoption search.  Most of the time, I'm very excited to have the opportunity to share what God is doing in our lives thru the process itself, & to share our excitement of the someday child(ren) that will join our family.  There are also days that I just want to forget about the fact that we're in a very helpless situation.  Today is a day of excitement...not just of the opportunity to tell you about our future hopes, but to update you on the current developments of the Arizona children situation.

When asked by a friend the other day about where we were at with the Arizona kids, I told her that I haven't given up hope, but I've allowed my heart to become pretty much numb so that I can deal with the idea that this situation may not every come to pass.  Today is the reason I haven't given up hope on these kids yet.  I just got of the phone with the Glendale Nazarene 'Celebrate Recovery' coordinator that clued us in on this situation in the first place.  She had just gotten off the phone with a person that was asking her to consider adopting the 2 children.  She said she was not interested, but that she knew of a family that WAS interested.  This triggered her to go ahead & make a few phone calls on our behalf since she may have a bit more info than we do.  One fact has been confirmed: both the biological mother & father both have had their rights severed due to the length of each of their jail sentences.  According to the AZ CPS (child protective services) rep I spoke with a few weeks ago, the next person(s) for consideration for adoption is the foster families that are currently keeping each of the children, then we are next in line for consideration based on the fact that we called & showed a true interest.  This is where I don't have facts yet, but according to the church coordinator, it seems neither of the foster families are wanting to adopt the children.  She's calling CPS today to see what she can find out about each of the kid's case, then let me know whatever she finds out.

My hope & anxiousness are both back up at sky high levels.  This is both super good, but can be bad if the situation goes south again.  It's like being on the world's largest, most intense roller coaster.  For today, I'm thankful that I'm on the up side of the ride rather than the down side of the valley.

Helpless

I'm helpless.  I've done all the calling, double-checking, follow-ups, etc I can do on this current case we're working on.  After receiving a few more details re: the birth mother & the baby, I was able to call those in to the AZ Child Protective Services to add to the info I already knew.  I made the lady go over in detail, twice, what I could now to keep this going forward.

• She is going to send an e-mail to another person in the department.  They will research to see if there is even an open case on this child(ren).
• If there is an open case, they will place a note on their file saying that we have called & shown an interest in adopting this child(ren).
• They will then see if a family member or the current foster family has any interest in adopting the child(ren).
• If not, then the case manager will contact us to begin proceedings for us to move forward with an adoption.
• Since we're out-of-state, we would have to have to travel to Phoenix to have a face-to-face meeting with the child to see if the child bonds with Jonathan & me & visa versa.
• Depending on certain details of the case, we may have a longer 'trial period' in which we would have temporary custody of the child(ren) for a few days, again testing to see if a bond is able to be formed.
• If all of the above works out, then the adoption process could start to become final, & the child(ren) would be permanently released to us, their new parents.

Seems like a lot of things that have to swing in our favor, right?  I know.  I feel pretty helpless beginning with Step 1-wait to see if anybody calls us.  We won't be notified at all if things end up going a different direction & we're out of the picture.  We'll only be notified if we ARE in the picture.  For those of you who know me, I REALLY DO NOT LIKE talking on the phone.  That being said, I have NEVER BEEN SO ANXIOUS for my cell phone to ring.  How in the world am I supposed to cope for the next several days or weeks while I wait for my phone to ring to tell me that we're in consideration to be parents again?

Lame Duck

Have you ever found yourself waiting 'patiently' for something, knowing that the progress of your situation is at the mercy of a 3rd person?  Tell me about it.  Since we've been made aware of this adoption opportunity in Arizona, I've been carrying on with day-to-day life on the outside, but screaming on the inside as I've gone 9 days with not a word from that 3rd person.  I'd be thankful for even the word that there's no new news to report at this time.  I hate the thought that, if in fact these are our 2 kids out in Arizona, they are being forced to spend day after day without being HOME with their forever family because mommy can't move the situation forward because I have no idea where things at.

So what does a mommy do when she can no longer stand being separated from her possible babies?  She cuts out the 3rd person & blindly starts searching on her own, of course!  Yep.  This momma would not stand for being left in the dark any longer.  I found a phone # on the State of Arizona Child Protective Services website & called it.  After giving a brief description of the situation to the lady on the phone, she directed me to the correct people to talk to.  I'd like to say I have more news on the situation after those phone calls yesterday, but I do not.  I had to leave a voice message for the correct ladies, giving them a brief description of the situation, a little about our family, & my cell phone #, pleading with them to call me ANYTIME!!!  So here I am again - sitting like a lame duck in the dark, waiting for the light of dawn, or for some gracious person to put me out of my misery.  Even in my blackest night, I am not alone.  How does anybody do this without Jesus at their side?!

Navigating the Emotions of Another "Nibble"

We were recently contacted by a member of my mom's & dad's church in Arizona about a possible adoption opportunity.  It's the dream opportunity for us...a 16 month old girl & her 5 day old brother.  The mother is incarcerated & requested that this church member find a good family for her children.  Because mom & dad have shared our story & have requested prayer as we wait on God's timing, this church member knew of our story & stopped me to ask if we'd be interested.  Of course, Jonathan & I said 'yes'.  But that does bring to light a few other 'stressers' as we call them.  Additional childcare costs, diaper & formula costs, adjusting to being a family of 5 from being a family of 3, sleepless nights as parents of a newborn, etc.  We believe that adopting these children would be SOOO worth it, regardless of the 'stressers' it would bring.  Please, please, please join us & our families as we lift these 2 children up in prayer as they wait to be placed with their forever family (which we hope will be us).  If it is not God's will for us to have these children, we pray that He will grant us peace as we release our grip on this situation & continue to wait for the kids that will be ours...someday.