Have you ever heard the phrase "women have babies every day"? So have I. So if millions of babies are born every day, which would lead one to believe that it's a fairly common thing, why can't one of those babies be mine? This is my journey thru the world of infertility treatments & the adoption process.
Back in October 2008, one of those babies being born WAS mine. My husband & I have been blessed with a beautiful, energetic, 'creative' little girl named Talen (TAY-len). She continues to fill our home daily with laughter & questions. There is one question that finds its way into our conversation every night during our bedtime prayers. "Mommy, when is Jesus going to give me a baby brother or baby sister?" The human answer is "I don't know." We're working on teaching her that we need to listen to what's God's answer is. At this time, it seems that God's answer to that particular question is "Just wait to see what I have in store for you, McMurray family!"
And therein lies the struggle...knowing how to handle hearing God say "wait". What does "wait" mean?!?! I know when I heard my mom or dad say "wait" to a particular request, that meant "you may get it, you may not". Often, they knew the answer already, & they were simply waiting for the right time to reveal the answer. Somehow, the questions I was waiting for an answer for from my parents weren't nearly as pressing or stressful as the situation I find myself in now.
You see, we've been asking God for a 2nd child for quite some time now. We're in the midst of fertility treatments as I write this. Each time a new level of treatments stopped working on me, I've found peace in the fact that there was another level of stronger treatments that gave us that much more hope of it being the treatment that works. Anybody that's going thru this process knows that it's not cheap. Quite the opposite. And with each new level of treatments, the cost goes up. My husband & I agreed to draw the line at the level of treatments we're on now (shots & IUI) due to the expense of the next (& final) level of treatment (IVF). As has happened in every other treatment, my body seems to react really well to the new treatment on Round 1. But, come Round 2, my body begins to show signs of rejecting the medications, which has prompted the DR to move us on to the next level. We're on Round 2 of our last level, & today at my DR visit, it was confirmed that my body has again begun to reject the medication. Hope isn't lost...my body still may kick in & give us a shot at one more IUI. But I'm facing the realization that this may be the end of us trying for a biological child.
So what's next? Well, thank the Lord that he has instilled in both my husband & I the desire to adopt. Before we were married, we discussed the idea of kids, both biological & adopted. My husband was adopted by a wonderful family that we thank God for every day. We want to be the family to a child that his family is to him. This was in the plans regardless of whether we could have our own or not. Praise the Lord! Our hope for a family does not die with the lack of a medical miracle.
As we trek thru this emotionally, spiritually, financially, & physically draining process, please keep us & all families going thru the same thing in your prayers. My ultimate desire for sharing our journey with the world is to bring glory to God & lead others to find the same peace & hope that we know thru Christ Jesus.
Praise be to God for whatever he has in store for us!
