Today is the day. Test day. Result - negative. Seems fitting that it would be a rainy, cold, & gloomy day today, but tomorrow's forecast calls for sunny, warmer weather!
As this day has drawn closer, many well-wishing family & friends have been making it a point to text, call, e-mail, or catch me in person to hug me, tell me they're praying for me, ask me to let them know what the outcome is. All of this is great, but I have to wonder if, behind it all, they're a bit concerned about how I will react to the news if it's 'negative'. Well friends & family, wonder no more. Here's how it is for me today.
Rainy, Cold, & Gloomy - I'm a bit unique as a girl in that I react to upseting things a bit more like your typical guy. I get a bit upset, maybe even pout or brood for awhile, but overall, it's short-lived. What's the point of being angry longer than that? I've done what I could to try & fix the problem. It didn't work. Ok. Give me some time to be a little angry as I tally up all the $$$ & hours we've spent trying our best to make this happen, but with no results. I won't say I'm entitled to have this day to be angry though. Even though I know God can handle my anger, I feel like He's saying the same thing to me that He did to Jonah in Jonah 4:4 - "Is it right for you to be angry about this?" It seems that the moral of this entire scene between Jonah & God in Chapter 4 is "Is it right for me to be angry because God's bigger, better plan doesn't seem to be lining up with my small, selfish plan?" Jonah chose to stay under the emotional rain cloud & stay angry at the unexpected turn of events. Well, Jonah, I'm choosing a different path!
Sunny, Warm, & Bright - Ok, God. This is where I need You to hold me. I'm a bit weak after this recent downer-of-a-moment, but I know You're bigger than this. I know You have a WONDERFUL plan in store for my family; I just don't know what it is at the moment. But, I look forward to the day when You pull back the curtain & show us what awesome things You have in store for us! We believe adoption is one of the things behind that curtain because You've placed such a burden for this act of love on both Jonathan's & my heart. We don't quite know what form this will take - newborn baby, elementary-age child, white, black, girl, boy - but we are excited to see Your plans unfold!!! I believe You've been preparing us for this our entire marriage, & even our entire lives. We're ready! Bring it on!
Taren ~ I am sorry you had to go through all the turbulence but am thankful you are beginning your new journey! Thank you for making this blog, letting people into an area that very few know about it/understand. I appreciate your honesty, humbleness, and your forever positive spirit. I know God has amazing things in store for all of you, I can't wait to learn exactly what they are! Much love <3
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was kind of a hard decision to open up & share our story...not because we're embarrassed about it, but rather, we didn't think people want to hear about difficult situations. We also didn't want our friends & family that are able to have their own children to feel guilty about sharing their joy with us. But, after much prayer, we believe that God was asking us to share our story so that (1) others that may be going thru the same thing would know they are not alone, & (2) let people know exactly where we're at in our lives so that they best know how to pray for us.
ReplyDeleteThanks for showing interest in our story. It sure means a lot to me that somebody from my childhood is still interested in what's going on in my life. :)