Worry No More

I started to text this blog entry while I was laying on the table for the required 10 minutes after the end of the IUI procedure.  Apparently it is not feasable to use any characters other than lowercase letters when typing a blog entry using your phone.  This is all I could get out before I became frustrated:

chillaxink

I was trying to say "Chillaxin' ", but the capital C & the ' character would not work.  To finish this unfinished thought, I was doing my 10 minutes of chillaxin' before leaving the office.  I make sure to bring a magazine, my phone, or some other form of entertainment to pass those 10 minutes.  10 minutes.  You would think I could just sit there & stare at the ceiling in silence for that long, but that was not a characteristic God planted in me.  I've always got to be doing something...unfortunately.  But in this case, if I wasn't doing something to keep me busy, I'd be thinking about every little detail of what has happened so far in the infertility process as well as what MAY happen.  Every scenario.  Don't you just hate that?  When you see or hear somebody doing that, overanalyze everything before it's even happened, you just want to search for their brain's 'off ' switch to help give them a rest.  Well, since there's nobody with me at these appointments to help me do that, I have to take care of it myself.

That's a significant issue in dealing with this process - analyzing what MAY happen, or what you HOPE happens, or what you prepare yourself to ACCEPT happening.  I'll admit that I still do my fair share of this, but it's gone down significantly as I continue to progress further into the process.  Somewhere along the line, God opened my eyes & my heart to the real meaning of "not worrying about tomorrow".  Isn't that what we're REALLY doing when we try to plan all the possible options for the future?  God's given me plenty of opportunity to experience & practice differentiating between helpful planning & wasteful worrying.  I'm sorry to admit that most of my time in this whole ordeal has been spent doing wasteful worrying.  But after my little revelation, I've discovered first-hand that life is so much more peaceful if we allow God to do his job & just let it be at that.  I do everything I can that's within my power to assist in the process, but now, I release it to God & rest in the fact that He is in charge of the outcome, knowing that His outcome will be WWAAYY better than anything I can imagine!

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING; instead, PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.  Tell God what you need, & thank Him for all He has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's PEACE, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts & minds as you live in Christ Jesus." ~ Phillippians 4:6-7 ~